LOVE, LIFE & POETRY




Beginnings



I struggle with beginnings.

Scared to roll out of bed

or even put my feet down,

I lay facing the bleached ceiling.

Pondering on my other struggles -


I struggle with perception.

Subtle ideas defining reality

and their unknown origin.

For hard as I try, my perception

of perception, is merely my perception


I struggle with colours,

much like I struggle with decisions

and my ambivalence leaves me stuck.

Abandoned by a lethargy in indecision,

neither black nor white, so I pick gray.

My favorite colour, My safe space.


I struggle with emotions.

Exhausted as I sit in the backseat,

along for a rough drive-through.

Too many times, in my keke napep,

I bump into trailer drivers

who leave me crushed, bleeding and broken.


I struggle with the littlest things.

Stuck wondering if a smile was real,

if the love was ever deep,

do the stars shine for me?

Will anyone remember that I lived?


I struggle with beginnings.

Scared to roll out of bed

or even put my feet down,

I lay facing the bleached ceiling.

Pondering on my other struggles -


I struggle with struggling

and the things I should get over.

For, while I wish I would just be done,

moving on, into the day ahead,

I lay facing the bleached ceiling.

Pondering, on my other struggles.

THE PAST'S PATH - NIWCO TOGETHER STORY



Dorcas

“You act like you ain't perturbed, Cecelia.” Mella said with surprise
and disgust written all over her face. “This was once your husband. I know he had his short comings but the way you're going about all this strikes a bad chord in me,” she added.
“Don't even act like you're innocent Mella,” Cecilia guffawed. “Didn't you take him out with that tool?” she said as she puffed on the cigarette between her fingers.
“I only acted on your command; but that doesn't make me a killer.”
“Can You just keep quiet and let me think? I paid you for this, so it's either you give back my money or keep shut that dirty mouth of yours for once.” Cecilia added.
“I fear for his life.” Mella said softly “You sold the only house you
both owned. You’ve taken his son away from him and at your command, he lies still in a hospital fighting for his life. I hope you have a rethink about this whole plan,” Mella finished while staring hard into space.
“I was born for times like this. He wanted a beautiful lady at his peril.
Did I beg him to take me off the streets? After all he knew I didn't love him yet he promised me the heavens and also that we would both forget the
past. I'm not going back until I ruin that fool's life.”

***
Victory

Every morning I watch the clock; feeling the weight of each strike as I struggle to overcome the lethargy of the night before. Drowning a bit before I can resurface, burning a bit before I can be reborn.
You know how it's said that when we die, our whole life replays before our eyes? Well here is a story of a man who dies every day.
Every day when I wake, my life is replayed before my eyes, and while I struggle to abandon this reverie, I'm stuck with the same questions, the "what ifs" and "maybes".
“What if I was another kind of man?”
“What if I was less of some of me and more of the other tidbits?”
“Maybe this wasn't supposed to be my life, maybe mother fate gifted me the life of another with more woes than I had it in me to bear.”
My story is simple, and like a lot of simple things, its simplicity was its trap.
I was a husband and a worker and I had everything I needed. There was no way I would've predicted, that my life would turn drastically from that morning.

***
Tolu

I tried to make ends meet despite many sleepless nights. I am a hard working man in my late thirties but I already have more salted hairs than a man of ninety. It’s not because I am wise, neither was I born with it. I have been gifted these sorry grey hairs to remind me I live in hell. I wished I didn’t have to choose my wife just as I couldn't choose my parents. If the creator had chosen for me maybe my life would have turned out better.
I felt I could tolerate all of Cecilia’s excesses during our early days because her love overwhelmed me. Never imagined things could go this way because it never started like this – or maybe I didn’t notice.
Everything was in abundance when we met till things changed a few years back. She makes me believe now that she must have fallen for the paper.
She now picks calls from deeper voices. She also renamed Saturdays as Owambe days and I never dare to leave home without dropping cash if not, she will use my neck tie as a threat tool for suicide. That manipulative wretch of a wife tormented the living lights out of me. Now, she has sold our only house.

***
Tosin

A man in agbada and shiny shoes knocked on my door that morning. He came with two hefty men behind him, he delivered the news with so much gusto saying,
“Young man, you must be the care taker of this house,” immediately the haze of sleep cleared from my eyes.
I was not sure I heard him correctly so I asked, “Mister what are you talking about?”
He said, “This is my house. I bought it from Cecilia the previous
owner.” He was boldly waving some documents in my face.
I was shocked. A sudden wave of cold began to seep into my bones. I just couldn’t believe it. I haven’t recovered from the anguish of the phone call I got from my bank manager yesterday. Cecilia had emptied our joint account! Now it’s my house - my sweat and blood! Cecilia has finished me!
I have been dialing her lines since yesterday but it’s been unreachable.
I was duped and rendered useless under the sanctity of marriage. Who will save me from this wormhole? I don’t know the hole she is hiding in but I won’t rest till I find her and demand why she has turned my life to a disaster zone. No I won’t stop searching. I really have nothing to lose anymore...

***
Stella

"Why are you standing there staring at me like a moron? How did
you even find me you low life son of a bitch?" Cecilia fired.
This woman is a real bitch. She still has the temerity to lambast me.
“Did she not notice the anger mixed with impatience oozing out from my eyes?” I thought and prayed under my breath. “Oh God, don't let me devour this witch". With all the calmness I could gather and all the strength I could muster, I asked,
“Cecilia what on earth have I done to deserve this suffering from
you?" “Really? Is this me talking?” I almost laughed at myself. I already concluded all hell will let loose when I see a silhouette of her. Here I was, standing before a woman I would give anything for but had taken everything from me.
"You see", she began and I could feel all the anger in her tone despite how calm she appeared to be.
“What could I have done to anger her this much? What could I have done to make her hate me?” I watched as her thick lips coated in black lipstick made the words,
"My son and I are so done with you Ken." she screamed at me. “how did you even find me?” she queried now. And once again, I couldn’t believe how I sounded when I spoke.
"A friend who lives in this neighborhood told me he saw you around here with OUR son. How could you bring my son to the house of Mella?
Knowing what goes on here…” I saw a smirk on her face. She was enjoying this. it was a game to her so I changed it immediately,
"Cecilia I need my house and my son back before the end of today!"
She spoke in a tone that I had not heard before with wide eyes,
"Not in your wildest imagination."

MY SOLITARY LETTERS




Departure


My mind reeks of dead plots and unsung poetry,

Unsettling imageries, weak symbolisms

And mediocre works of art

Which flicker and fade before my eyes

Like a ball of light running thorough the woods,

Observed from a bemused lens

Before the final click;



But it escapes,

Vowing never to return again.

I still hear those starved voices,

Empty yet sharp

Like Father's sandals on my bare brown back.

Even when I plead, it changes not

For what is gone leaves a shadow,

A silhouette without a presence-

And I am left slamming my elastic palm

Upon my chiseled forehead.



©Samuel Jr.


LABELS - NEW YEAR, NEW SYSTEM 1

DO YOU LOVE GREY? WEDNESDAYS 6PM

NEW YEAR, NEW SYSTEM 1


"This year is special.
I can feel it deep in my bones. The breath I inhale per nano second is sweet. Why?
I must get married this year. I dream of my 2.5kg baby crying, which would keep me turning and tossing; three nights out of seven, each week.
Mama Chioma won’t let me rest. Every time I go home, she reminds me that I am now 24; soon to be 25 years old, and time waits for no one. Aunty Imeh down my street uses every opportunity she gets to tell me about her two grandchildren. Then bald headed, yellow-eyed, tobacco-chewing Uncle Bola will smile sneakily at me; undressing me with his eyes, every time I visit my tailor.

Please is it my fault that Jide has not proposed yet? He just got a job last year. A high-paying one for that matter. He buys me gifts and all that, but I hope he knows I’m not getting younger.
2019 is special for me. My only new year resolution is to get engaged and settle down. That’s all! After all, society has made it my pot of stew to pray and fast, so as to marry early and heaven knows that I have paid my dues in that regard. If I don’t?! Who knows, I might become an old spinster at 34, begging young boys to marry her. I can’t afford to do that! So, with a swing to my cat walks and a rhythmic whine to my waist, I put out my best foot, to snag Jide this year."


Chioma is no different from many girls of age 21 upwards. Men are scarce and the marriage mart waits for no one. Sacred or right, no one is breaking tables here. But, if you stand on this one; especially if you are in the team of “when are you getting married?” With a fake smile and judging voice, I hope the table trembles a little, so you receive sense and restructure your priorities. If you are not her parents, please mind your business. She knows that she is not yet married at 29.

Sadly, the judging ones have the most miserable homes and unhappy spouses, forming 'happy lives'. Let’s embrace new the system of minding our business in 2019.

TOLU'S DIARY - NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

TUESDAYS 10AM


NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS



Hi diary,



Another 365 days has rolled by and we are in another year. The clock has started to tick again without waiting for no one as usual. The past year might have been good, better, best or the reverse for people. The New Year is another stage set to beat the previous record in the last year.
A new calendar year can be likened to a race by an athlete. Whether as a record holder or a mere participant, he/she wants to do more than the previous race. Preparation is of necessity to be successful, so, whatever the athlete hasn’t done well in his/her past endeavor is taken into keen consideration which may be; the starting style, acceleration, exchange of baton (as done in a relay race) or the finishing. In this same way, we prepare for another journey of 365days by bringing to the discussion table what is tagged ‘New Year Resolutions’.
Resolution in this context means great determination. You want to become a CEO, start and fund your business(es), graduate against all odds, raise a beautiful home with your partner, buy the most beautiful and classy cars you can think about and excel your dreams. Things may not have fallen into place in the last race and you might have spotted one or two things that served as obstacles (like in hurdles), which made all these impossible to achieve in the past year(s). We therefore look forward to the New Year to device strategies to jump over the obstacles on the way to the finishing line and that is Resolution. There is a great determination to raise the bar and excel your expectations.
To some people; they have to cultivate the habit of saving, to some it may be putting a stop to whatever they considered bad that has been dragging them back and to some, it is to double their hustle (more hard work) and so on.
Winning requires great determination and focus. In this regard, many people have quit this race of resolution before the journey gathers momentum. They couldn’t keep to their words because there was no determination to support their thoughts. The spectators' chants (boos or appraisals) has affected such athlete in the race of resolution. We just have to turn deaf ears to appraisals in form of mockery, use the boos as a parameter to step up the game so as to finish off well. We have to do all our best to kick out laziness, procrastination, thrash those unhealthy habits, shoot that shot, make those seemingly impossible moves, drop that addiction that pulls us back and I see us having the best year ever!
Happy New Year readers enjoy 2019 and remember "tick says the clock, what you have to do, do quickly". Whatever is your New Year Resolution, you must keep to it💪


BLACK WOMAN - HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF 2


How to love yourself Part 2

My beautiful readers, this week we continue on the next phase of our topic. I do hope implementing the first two was easy. Changing and walking away from bull crap is hard, but for the sake of your sanity, you need to
#3 Tip; Achieving inner peace/strength
Inner peace also known as 'Peace of mind' is the last and final stage in achieving self love. If an individual knows himself and his abilities, blocks out all negativity, all the petty talk, all the slander and backbiting, then inner peace is achieved.
Inner peace walks along with inner strength. A person needs to have mental strength to with stand everything that comes together with the negativity in the world today. Physical strength helps from physical harm but inner strength brings less violence and more mental awareness. Inner strength is also their ability to swallow the nastiness thrown at you, knowing and trying to understand the other person's point if it's worth the stress of talking back, raising your fists or just walking away. In today's society, walking away in time of fights or quarrels is seen as weak or stupid. But do people actually stop to think that exchanging words, playing traps and poisoning minds is not just worth it.
People fail to realize that some battles are not just worth the outcome. And if a person is able to achieve inner peace, you are backed up by strength and you can live a mentally healthy life.
All these aren't easy I know but it's necessary. As we go into 2019, I do hope there's all the changes there needs to be I. Your lives. Remain blessed and keep reading. This year's going to be lit on NiWco.

DEEP THOUGHTS - ADVANCE IN ADVERSITY

EVERY MONDAY 10AM

Advance In Adversity


Imagine after an eventful day at work, on your way home there is an excruciating  gridlock, one which makes breathing difficult. Yet, you have to endure for hours at a stretch because, you desperately want to be home and you know that despite it's tolls on you, you can't give up on getting to your beautiful abode.
Hence,  you exercise patience, show restraint where necessary and go through all the rigors because of your goal - getting home to enjoy the coziness of your home.
 This is similar to the journey everyone who has or is about to achieve his/her life goals or dreams goes through or must go through.
The above illustration serves as the focus of this discourse briefly, but clearly depicts the direction everyone’s journey takes, most especially when he/she has a set goal(s).
There is no success or accolade in life without any form of difficulty, setback, etc. 
The point I'm making is that, adversities should not stop anyone from making progress, rather, it should trigger your resourcefulness. Not limit your potential and not blur your eyes off the target/goals.
 In fact, whenever you see or encounter adversity, it is an indication or signal that it is the moment to advance. It may seem difficult and prove to be insurmountable, just advance. It may even look like there is never going to be a solution to that pending problem, still advance. That a problem appears unconquerable is the more reason you should never stop making attempts at working it out.
In this new year, there will be tons and tons of adversities which will come in all shapes and forms to prevent you from achieving your set goals for the year. It could be in the form of going back to old habits, blaming others for your setbacks, indulging in wasteful vices, etc. The truth, is that they will always surface whether you like it or not!
This means that, although old habits and lifestyle may try to deter your progress and advancement this year, you must not let them overwhelm or deter you, just like the individual who endured the traffic jam just so he could get home.
 You must always remember that advancing, no matter the pace is very crucial to our succeeding in life. Also, keep in mind that, the reason you persistently advance is because no matter the pressure, the goal/target is worth the trouble.
If you can imbibe this attitude in the new year, it will be a year of joyous moments for you , filled with achievements, progress and growth. Therefore, let the watchword this year be advance in/despite/through adversities and see the difference.
What I say unto you, I say unto myself.

LOVE, LIFE & POETRY

Beginnings I struggle with beginnings. Scared to roll out of bed or even put my feet down, I lay facing the bleached ce...