QUESTION: Are you in love? And how do you know you are in love?

Grace: Yes and I know that I'm in love because I want to see that person every  second. I always smile and I'm never hungry whenever we are chatting. Like I can stay a whole day without eating if the person is around or we are chatting.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Wow... That's awesome. That means you can fast for a year without eating if the love lasts a year?

Grace: Don't know.

Mcanthony: For me I don't know when I'm in love.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Wow... That's weird. You've never been in love?

Mcanthony: Guess I have been.. But the problem is drawing the line between love and excessive friendship.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: 🀭🀭🀭🀭🀭🀭🀭🀭
Please explain. This will make a good discourse.

Successa: I have fallen in love before. And I knew because I went all the way for them; did all in/out the books for them.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Would like to know what the books say one must do when they are in love really.

Tolu: When you are in love, you can't stop thinking and seeing that person. The image of that person will appear now and then. You can't just stop the feelings.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Hmmmmm... It's about the visuals I can tell. What about taste or smell or touch?

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Grace... So how would you then define love?
Grace: A strong connection that binds two people together even their flaws can be overlooked.

Mcanthony: Most persons don't know when they are in love.. Some are friendships gone too far.. and such ends badly.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: You have said a lot without saying anything Mcanthony. Can you give an instance or illustration?

Grace: I have a question - two questions actually.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Go on...

Grace: Can distance  be a barrier between  two  people who love each other? Saying I love does it really matter?

Mcanthony: Some guys never say the 'l love you' thing and that becomes a tool for break up.

Grace: Some say 'I love you' like every second  but never mean it.

Mcanthony: Distance is like a sword.. Could be for defense or attack.. It depends dear.

Successa: Yes it does. . . saying I love you matters.

Mcanthony: It does matter.

Grace: Please explain.

Successa: It matters for you to tell the one you love how you feel always, because humans tend to thrive on what they hear over and over again.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Urrmmmmm...  Then what happens when it becomes overused or abused? How does one even know πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€”
 I'm no expert on this subject but from experience distance makes you try harder and most times you burn out... The moment there is something to prove, what is worth fighting for becomes blurry - when the trust is lost.
I also believe that if you feel it, express it. Although some are more expressive than others but no one should be under any compulsion to declare his/her love. Say it and mean it.

Successa: Even everyday friends need to know constantly that they are loved.

Grace: Grace: Really I  once had a friend whom I loved so much but we were not dating. We could talk for more than 4 hours on phone and you will think we were dating. Everyone in my house liked him but the day he asked me out that love went away.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Hmmmmmm...
grabs 🍿
OMG... This is new...

Mcanthony: Ok.. I've been in a friendship with a girl for over 3yrs. Now from the mental element, she takes the relationship way more than friendship. And even keeps telling guys that I'm her boyfriend. We had an argument which went south and unfortunately I lost my friendship with her.. Simply because her mind was in love and I was not.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Urmmmm... Seriously dude? Like really? 😏😏😏😏
Why didn't you clear it with her through the 3 years you knew she was in love and was telling people you were together?
You wait for her to burst then you take the highway... it's a wawu

Successa: Distance may or may not matter.
It is solely dependent on the two involved.
If they can communicate properly and constantly, making use of both words and pictures/images, distance won't contest what they feel for each other, if not, then they are better apart.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Probably...  That's like saying 'try your luck'.

Successa: It's saying "if it matters much to one, then make it work - work at it until it works".

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Work till you burn out.
Work till there's nothing left for even you.
Work till you forget you also deserve to be loved.
Work and give up your all.
Work? C'mon... Love can't be that terrible!

Successa: 🀣🀣🀣 you just broke the elasticity that came with the 'work' I was talking about. . .

Victory: Lol. love isn't work. It's love because it's easy. Yes, it may require some things from you, sacrifices even. But it all comes easy because it's love πŸ˜‡

Jilams: I pray say love nor be work

Victory:  the way y'all say work ehn...

Successa: You must lose yourself, just make the effort to be 'present', knowing fully well that distance already have you marked 'absent'.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Explain the 'work' you mean before I start thinking about something that would need me to go to church for prayers.

Mcanthony: I've seen distance shatter relationships. And l've seen relationships that survived despite distance. Trust is a major element in this second category.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Yes... 'to every fact there is an exception'. So it is to every generalization.

Grace: I really wish I could love him like he does me; he is the best guy any lady can have up till now but my heart is far from him. Don't know if I should  say I'm  confused now.

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Urmmmm... Confused?
You said ' guy for any lady...'
Are you any lady? Why don't you find out who you are first before thinking if his love is meant for you?

Jilams: We all go through various  adversities in life. However if there is one thing I have learnt, it's that love carries through it all and gives us a fairytale ending.

Tosin Yali: To be in love is a widely debated issue and really can be debated in any way. To love someone is different from To be in love with someone. I love you is quite different from I'm in love with you. Friendship love most times is love that has gone too far but still depends on the people involved. I remember telling someone that defining a relationship especially with the opposite sex is very important. If you say, you are in love with a guy or a lady, is it mutual? Is there an understanding that that they are both going into a love relationship. Most times we date, but we are not in love. To me real love is to be in love and to love someone.

Jilams: Love is like a foundation in any relationship. Imagine you are building your dream home. You put everything into it.. Even at times, it might be discouraging to continue but it's your dream home.  Major setbacks will occur but you still continue and even if you have finished, you breathe a sigh of relief that you have achieved it.  Yet you being in the house you will still continue to make modifications from time to time.

Victory: If it's really your dream house, would all that really feel like work to you?

Successa: Sandra, read what Humans wrote about the building - that's the kinda work I meant. . .
It's like cultivating a lovely garden that you cherish very much - a lot of pruning, digging and planting goes into it, but you wouldn't feel like your over-laboured, cause it's something you cherish doing.

Tosin: To others it might be hard work but to you its soft work😁

Sandra T. Adeyeye: That's the problem.
True love has no conditions - right?
With distance, there is a condition... A huge one at that!
My take - once there is distance there can be no true love.

Tosin: Long distance relationship is very tricky, 90% fail all the time. But the 10% makes the difference.

Victory: This is the same point I made.

Tosin: And that's why if a couple can make it work why not?

Sandra T. Adeyeye: Hmmmm... I'm no builder but all you described Jilams doesn't just happen in a day. How come you can fall in love in a day?

Successa: . . . and I guess, fall out of it in a day too.

Tosin: There is love at first sight nah, I don't know how that works though.

Victory: Lol, I think at first sight you're just attracted to the person. There are people you feel you loved at first sight, but getting to know them, you realise they're very different from what you thought.

Jilams: The dream is the love.. When you love someone, how do you stay in love?

Tosin Yali: By falling in love everyday, even when they make you mad😏

Jilams: If you want a dream home, at some point, you will get discouraged and want to stop. Some people do stop, but some people continue because their dream home is worth it and at the end of the day, they achieve it. That is how it is with love in a relationship, you love or  are attracted to someone, you build it and absorb some personality of the person. You keep going and even when it's established that you both  genuinely love each other, you still have rough edges to chisel out or attitudes to amend.

Successa: You see that's why love for me is a lifetime thing.
Like that garden, you groom it from when there's no form of beauty, until it's irresistible to all and sundry. But once it gets to that point, it will never die out, except you purposefully destroy it. It keeps re-growing and producing more bunches of lovely fruits/flowers.
Sandra T. Adeyeye: Urmmmmm ... Am I missing something?
I thought we were discussing love between humans?
How can love be like cultivating a garden or decorating or remodelling? These things depend on you! They have no choice. You design them.
Once in love with someone else you are faced with uncontrollable situations that most times bend your will! How is that like remodelling or having a garden?
Maybe I'm in the wrong room. Let me check za oza room.

Leave a comment in the box below to contribute to the subject on ground. Till next Thursday.

                                                                            Compiled by Sandra T. Adeyeye.
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