I pick up my pen with shaky hands, at this point, I'm scared. I do fear what it might say now.

Memories are strange - sometimes like poison. When it's first ingested, it feels fine, then you sit for a while, start to process and it hurts more than anything - most times even enough to kill.

I remember sad times, dressed in all black at his funeral. The flowing tears and the fury; thoughts shooting, pondering if I might've saved him. Maybe if I was a little more awake... His father was there, dressed in the expected all black. I had so many questions I wanted to ask. A lot that was answered when I saw his belt. At first it made me chuckle sadly, I remembered all the times when Chukwuka and pretty much all our friends would laugh at his father's belt. The funny star shapes all over, Rusty studs on a belt he refused to let go. Chukwuka always laughed loudest, so loud it made us all laugh louder and a cycle began.
Now he was gone, and it all felt hollow. Reminiscing like this, first made me a bit warm because I missed him, but then it filled me with anger than I knew how to deal with. For the rest of the funeral, I was so blind with rage, I just went through the motions semi-consciously.

A few days after it was all done I paid his dad a visit, their house was devoid of all the guests, both father and children were all home. His siblings, age six and seven, could only watch as I took out my rage at their father. I stabbed at him more times than they could count. 
I thought they'd be relieved even lend me a smile, but they only wailed and cried. They still look at me like a monster, but he was the monster.

I remember a time from before, a time when we were all happy; a time when I was free. I remember his 19th birthday. They all had more alcohol than they could stand. I was the teetotaler, they even called me a buzzkill, but this also meant, I was the only sane one that night. The only one of our friends who heard him begin to weep.

To be continued...
- Victory Wrights

Victory Okoyomoh, pen name - Victory Wrights is an Optometry Student at the University of Benin. A writer,  both prose and poetry, his works have been published in some anthologies and other websites.  He also run an instagram poetry account - @victory_wrights

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