BLACK WOMAN - THIS THING CALLED LOVE



Hello, my gorgeous queens.
Back to what we were on to last week, fears. I love to be 100% with you guys. So the one fear I failed to mention last week, is my fear of love. Silly right? Let's get into it.
We all know love right? That magical feeling that has gives us that extra spring in our step, that feeling that has us smiling to total strangers on the street, that gives us the butterflies. Yeah, yeah! I'm sure we've heard all of that.
My definition of love is more calculated, more rational, I'm sure it makes zero sense but I think we have the power to choose who we fall in love with. The power is on us. Even as emotional as women are.
Don't get me wrong I have loved. It can only be said as intense. But even then before I admitted it, I had a panic attack. Imagine shaking like a leaf and tears streaming down your face for no good reason. Humiliating? Very much so. It still haunts me.
One thing that scares me about love is the post effect of love. We meet a guy or girl, we talk, flirt attract and boom, love happens. Love is messy, it makes us do silly things. Make us be different people. You have a weakness, a vulnerability,something that can be used against you. That's the main thing that makes me scared of love. That's what I see in love. Love is weakness beyond measure. Putting your heart -and brain- in the hands of another human to do as they please, care for it or break it.
I'm sure you might be wondering how is it possible for you to be able to control who you fall for but it is. Look at this in my view. It's all psychological.
We generally tend to create the kind of guy/lady we want; tall, huge, dark, working, riding a Benz, fair etc. Then as we meet people we begin to filter them, even those that walk up to us on the street, from outfits to walking steps and even voices. Eventually one stands out he/she may not be the perfect image of what we want in a partner but we see potential and so our brain draws us closer to that person. Over time our brain says to our hearts, 'oh this person make sense'or in bad cases 'doesn't have an ounce of sense' and so we begin to separate or get closer and you know ones the heart is involved there goes any form of reasoning. If the person is truly worth it, the brain says 'heart, open up a bit. Give it a shot' and so the stupid thing called love begins.
And thus my theory of love. It all starts with the brain. Though whenever my brain tells my heart to open up a bit, I tend to run the other direction. Love to me is a one way trip to pain, heartache and hurt.
I certainly do hope I find love again and don't get hurt. However, till that magical mind changing moment comes, I'm still scared it that thing called love.
Though to all my melanin queens out there be bold enough to find love, you are all beautiful and strong, be confident. Look love in the eye and tell it that it won't hurt you, never. I'll take my advice too and then hope that I don't fear love.

Aisha is a young writer. She writes to promote everything about the African woman. And hopes to bring glory to the continent.

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